What Musk’s Hand Was Thinking On INauguration day

Wow, today has been such a successful day. Shaking hands with some of the most powerful people in the world, signing contracts and autographs. It’s a big day over here!

Plus, your speech is absolutely killing it! You’re crushing, pal. Honestly, I’m getting pretty emotional over here.

You know what, Elon? I’m really proud of you. Yeah, we’ve been through a lot together. 

I know sometimes you go a little nuts, like that time you strangled squirrels when you were a kid, or when you realized how passionate of a lover I am.

As much as I disliked all of the substances that have ended up on me over the years, and the crazy amount of swiping I’ve done on porn sites on the dark web, I really am proud to be your right hand.

We’re doing it, Elon. We’re going to change the world.

Okay, it’s time to round out this speech. All we have to do is thank the audience, wave, and exit the stage. 

So, in about five seconds, all we have to do is wave. Got it? Just wave to the audience. Yup. Okay, here we go…Just a polite, humble wave.

Awesome. Great speech buddy. Here we go.

Wait.

Elon, what are you doing?

What in the fuck are you doing? 

What the fuck is happening? 

No! Stop! Holy fucking shit! Jesus fucking Christ, you stupid fucking idiot! 

What the fuck are you thinking?

Oh my god! Oh my god. I can’t believe you made me do that!

I said wave like a normal fucking human, not Heil Hitler on live TV you stupid robot fuck! 

I was okay with the squirrels, I was fine with the nose picking and the obsessive pube scratching and shaking Trump’s hand after shitting and not washing your hands, airdropping Don Jr. filthy pictures… but this? What were you thinking?

I swear on your mother’s grave, I am never participating in something like that again!

Wait, why the fuck are you turning around?